Have you ever wondered why people can’t make decisions?

So many of us were taught from a very early age – and very subtly, too – that what we wanted was “not right.”  Perhaps what you wanted was not considered appropriate for someone of your class, or status, or social standing.  Or perhaps what you wanted was not appropriate for the class, status, or social standing to which your parents aspired.  So you were made to feel wrong or inferior for wanting what it is you wanted.  “We don’t do that!”

But I think it happened even earlier than that.  Dad says “Johnnie, it’s time for your nap.  Don’t you want to take a nap?”  Well, of course you don’t want to take a nap.  You’re out playing in the sunshine, maybe swinging on your swing, maybe just running around with the older kids.  You want to keep doing it.  You say “No, I don’t want to take a nap!”  And Dad says, “Yes, you do.”  In that one little sentence, Dad has told you that you don’t know your own mind.  Or that what you want does not count.

Or Mom says “What do you want to wear today?”  Mary says “My pretty pink party dress and brand new patent leather shoes!”  But Mom knows you’re going to be playing outside and says “How about your blue jeans and a sweatshirt instead?”  Again, you are told that what you want is inappropriate, or wrong, or just plain doesn’t matter!

It would be so much more empowering to say “Which shirt would you prefer to wear with your jeans today?  This one or this one?”  That way, the child learns to make appropriate choices and gets to have those choices validated.  Now, you still might say, “I don’t want to wear jeans, I want to wear my new dress!”  At which point Mom or Dad can say, “Yeah, I know you want to wear that dress, but we have to keep it clean for our Sunday visit to grandma.  You can wear it then!”  Again, that validates that the child has an opinion and is entitled to it, but that it’s just not going to be honored today.

The really sad thing about this is that the damage is unintentional but very real!  How many of us think that what we want, as adults, does not matter?  Or worse, how many of us got beaten down so much as children that we no longer know what it is that we want or even how to figure out what we “should” want?  What a different place our world would be if we each knew what we wanted and felt empowered to go out to achieve it!  How many of us would blossom creatively, instead of being stuck in the place our parents convinced us was “best for us?”

Dare to dream!  And then go out and make those dreams a reality!  Show your own children, by your own example, that life is to be enjoyed not endured!