Developing compassion is a good thing...

I have spent a great deal of time today thinking about compassion.  The Dalai Lama recommends compassion meditations where meditators think about an emotion or state of being they would like for themselves.  Then they imagine the same for loved ones, then for people for whom they have neutral feelings, and finally, for enemies.  You can bring these people to mind by naming them or picturing them.  For example, for a neutral person, you might choose someone you see on a regular basis but don’t converse with – someone who rides the same bus you do each day, perhaps.

So it might take the form of stating:

“Might I have peace, joy, and love.  Might I be free from suffering.

“Might my parents [or insert others by name or by relationship] have peace, joy, and love.  Might [insert name] be free from suffering.

“Might [picture neutral person if you don’t know their name] have peace, joy, and love.  Might [insert image] be free from suffering.

“Might [insert name or picture of someone with whom you have difficulties] have peace, joy, and love.  Might [insert name or image] be free from suffering.

“Might all sentient beings have peace, joy, and love.  Might they be free from suffering.”

The goal is to generate genuine feelings about the beings you are listing.  This may be hard at the start – not many of us can generate benevolent feelings towards our enemies off the get-go!  So the recommendation is to repeat each step a number of times before moving on to the next step.  In other words, repeat the step for yourself until you feel peaceful and loving.  Then move on to the next step repeating it about as many beloveds as you can think of.  Once you generate these feelings of benevolence towards your beloveds, move on to the neutral people.  Hopefully, if you have done the first two steps well, you will still have beneficent feelings left over for the “neutrals.”  At that point, step up to the plate and add an adversary.

This is where most of us come to a screeching halt!  “Oh, no!  I couldn’t possibly wish him well!”  So go back to the beginning, repeat it for yourself and your beloveds, and call it a day.  That way, you will end your practice on a high note which will hopefully carry your through the day.  Then try again the next day.  Eventually, if you keep this up as a daily practice, you will begin to actually feel compassion for those who perhaps do not have your best interests at heart.

So when is the best time to do this?  Most meditation teachers recommend first thing in the morning or perhaps last thing at night.  Both of these work well and have advantages:  if you do it in the morning, the feelings will at least get your day off to a good start.  If you do it at night, they will send you into peaceful slumber.  You can also do it during the day when you need to reset yourself – say during your lunch break at work or at the end of the work day to clear the day out of your system.  A lot will depend on your home and work situations.  Ideally you would pick a time and place where you will not be interrupted, when you can turn your cell phone off and not have people looking at you strangely…

You should also pick a time and place where you can do it every day.  That sets it up as a more sustainable practice.  Make a commitment to do this daily for a month and see how your life and your relationships change, then come back and post a comment to let us know what you learned.